Quitting anything requires having a reason. But reason is the wrong word because it’s not a rational process that you have to influence, it’s an emotional process. So, by reason I mean feeling. A reason that resonates with you in the moment when you’re about to do whatever it is you want to quit. Smoking, shopping, eating, working late, drugs,…
Skills aren’t that important when interviewing
Skills–including supposed skill from educational background–should be the last thing considered in an interview. Unfortunately it’s often the only consideration. It’s more important to hire people that show a passion for learning than it is to find someone who already knows everything you think you need them to know.
Loss is not inevitable
In life there are countless times where something happens and we feel threatened as a result. This can lead us to rash reactions that aren’t productive for anyone, ourselves included. For example, a company I partner with is changing their strategic focus. This will have an impact on me because I’m a partner. I could see this as a threat…
Why saying no is hard
Learn how to handle rejection yourself. If you can’t take rejection well, you’ll tend to exaggerate how the other person will react to your rejection. When’s the last time someone said no to you? Do you keep a tally of people that say no to you? Chances are you don’t know the last time someone said no. Same goes for…
Why gut reaction works and doesn’t
Listen to your gut. Sage advice. People often succeed by acting intuitive. But that doesn’t mean that intuition is always “right.” Who said that intuition is always well calibrated? Most of the time intuition is based on wrong feelings, perceptions, beliefs and inclinations. For example, if you’re walking down the street and someone bumps into you, you might feel immediately…
Get over rejecting others
Have some perspective, there are seven billion people on this planet, if your “No” upsets a few of them, there are still at least six billion to pick from.
How to calibrate your ignorance
Ignorance is a wonderful thing. Without it everything would be of equal importance, with it we can ignore everything but the oft one thing that matters.
Without ignorance I couldn’t drive a car, nor could you. When driving we don’t meticulously inspect ever blade of grass in the ditch, let alone even look at details of cars passing by. No, we just look down the road, sometimes day dreaming, and we either feel fine or we feel disturbed.
A disturbance is the mind selecting something that needs our attention. An deer galloping through a nearby field, a car headed the wrong direction or a person standing by the side of the road. Unless you’re in NYC then it’s normal to race by people standing in the middle of the road.
We act quickly to adjust for the disturbance and then we’re back to happy as a clam until the next.
Driving requires ignoring most of what we see and focusing on the few things that matter. That’s ignorance at work.
Ignorance is great when it’s well calibrated. It’s problematic when it’s maladjusted. A teenager learning to drive doesn’t yet have the intuitive ignorance necessary for a pleasant experience. The car lurches, screeches to a halt, whiplashes when changing lanes. And probably trails too closely to the car in front.
But, soon enough, ignorance is calibrated and driving because a mostly thoughtless, emotional activity for yet another person.
If we had to pay attention to every detail around us, nothing would matter. Ignorance allows us to find meaning in our experience. But, it can be problematic when it’s underdeveloped. We might not know that just because we have the right of way, doesn’t mean other drivers will heed it. And then there’s an accident because of the assumption that people follow rules.
But, how do you know if your ignorance is well calibrated or not?
It’s impossible to know what the future holds. What you can do is ask yourself two questions.
- What’s the expected cost of being wrong? (high/medium/low)
- What’s the expected cost to know? (high/medium/low)
You have to use your ignorance to answer this question, so all bets are off. But, without your ignorance what would you have? Nobody can predict the future, so ignorance is the only thing that can guide our intuition, even about ignorance itself.
Then take a look at this chart to decide what to do:
You don’t have to explain yourself
If you need to say No, stop at No. You aren’t obligated to explain why, let alone have an excuse that will appease the other party. If someone asks why, say No to that too.
The one thing you need to know to influence others
Feelings guide action. So, influence is altering how other people feel. Unknowingly, you do this every day. This is being added to the list of Mindsets as “Influence is Affect”
New mindset: Liking is Familiarity
Adding this to the list of Mindsets: Liking is Familiarity Valence of familiarity dictates whether you like or dislike something. Neutral to positive experiences lead to liking. Negative experiences tend to result in dislike.